Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I love having hate sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
