One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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