So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
