i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
