Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
