drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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