I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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