Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
