There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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