If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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