I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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