Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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