Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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