i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
