The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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