She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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