You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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