dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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