when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
