He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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