I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
