In America we eat man semen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
