I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
