and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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