oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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