yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
