i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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