I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
