i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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