Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
