sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
