I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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