Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
