Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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