You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
