Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
