I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
