So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
