It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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