We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
