Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
