Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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