And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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