We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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