but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize