Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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