he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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