i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
nutella sex= disaster
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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