She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
