shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
