wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
