Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
