I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
