I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
