Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
