i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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