bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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