I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
