I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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