I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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