would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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