OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
