Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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