I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
