Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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