Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
