I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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