I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
