I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
