covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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