Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
