My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both