Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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