Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
