come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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