too bad you live with your parents still
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
