Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
