My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
