So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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